Dear Amanda Marcotte

Marjorie Campbell, marjorie@marjoriecampbell.com

"Amanda settled for selling her soul to blogging when Satan confessed that even he had not the powers to turn her into the second coming of Diana Ross. At 29 years old, she’s spent the past decade plus being a standard issue Austin layabout and actually plans to discontinue in the near future as she disembarks for Chapel Hill, NC to work on the Edwards '08 campaign. "

Dear Amanda, You bring out the Mom in me!  Your potty-mouth attacks on Catholics and people of faith simply worry me, dear.  Where are you going with this?  First, it's not nice to call people names and denigrate their beliefs even if you think they were born idiots.  I mean, you would not call a born idiot an "idiot" because that might hurt his feelings, sweetheart.  Also, honey, when you call people names it makes them want to call you names.  And this could jeopardize your new job which you seem very happy about.

This new job worries me, too, dear.  Have you ever heard the word "pawn"?  I'm sure you have because you seem educated enough to actually communicate a few ideas between your gutter talk and religious blasphemies.  Frankly, dear, I am very ashamed of Mr. Edwards for taking advantage of a girl like you who is busily embarassing herself nationally and is about to get fired -all to get a little leftest attention for Mr. Edwards.  Sweetheart, please consider quitting and getting a job where the clever, white male hierarchy is not hanging you out to dry.  I suggest you try some field other than blogging, like being a veterinarian or gardener - endeavors that bring out some loveliness in you.  Eventually, dear, I think you will find that your anger subsides .

One more thing, Amanda.  At age 29, you might think you have the political world by the horn.  But, dear, that's a tail in your hand - and the ride you flirt with will not be what you expect.  May I make a suggestion?  Identify a woman-hero with all the characteristics your anger holds dear:  someone who has lived a long life of promiscuity and multiple abortions; someone who has repeatedly taken the "morning after" pill and viewed having a baby as a "punishment' for having a uterus; someone who spent a lifetime publishing cuss words and hatred of religion.  You can't think of anyone?  Hmmm.  I wonder why.   

Here's the good news, dear.  When the faithless, secular world is done using and abusing you, we "right wing Christians" will welcome you onto our freely chosen path where you, too, will experience your God-given dignity.  I will pray for you.