Understanding Mothers

Marjorie Campbell, marjorie@marjoriecampbell.com

I interrupt the political commentary on this blog to say a word about mothers.  Detoxing after Thanksgiving, my girlfriends and I can't seem to clear the same small bone stuck in our throats:  a pesky irritation that not all is right with our mothers.  I thought I choked on this type of maternal tiff alone but comments keep pouring in ... "why did my mother (fill in blank)?"  My favorite one (so far) is the soon-to-be Great-grandmother who wished her daughter "a grandson because girls are so hard to love."

My most reliable resource for understanding mothers, and the dynamic of mothers & daughters who inhabit grown up bodies is Erma Bombeck.  Here are three pointers from Erma, helpful hints that, I hope, will clear our throats and ready us for the next round at Christmas.

1. "My mother has elevated revenge to an art form.  Every year at the family reunion, we all check in with her to see whom we are speaking to and who is out in the cold.  The length of their sentence varies with their crimes." 

2.  "My mother's solution to life's problems was, 'Take a laxative.  A laxative cured an upset stomach, headache, fever, stomach rashes, dizziness, and general run-down feeling.  By the time she finished with you, nothing seemed important enough to open your mouth and complain about."

3.  " "When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality.  It doesn't matter if you answer yes or not.  You're going to get it anyway."

So is something amiss with our mothers during these holiday-athons?  No, to the contrary - like frigid wind and pouring rain is normal to southern New Zealand, wacky mother behavior is a fixture of our holidays!  Christmas ... here we come.

Comments

[Gigi]

I believe I have a totally different relationship with my daughter than my mother has with me (I believe my daughter would agree, on the whole). I am not allowed to differ with my Mother in any of her opinions (and she always says what she thinks) and when she asks me to do something she knows I don't want to do (like lie about some insignificant thing) she says, "Oh, just this once, can't you do it for me?" And, believe me, it's more than once!

On the other hand, I really try to keep my mouth shut in the advice department with my daughter unless she asks. AND, here is the best part: I TAKE ADVICE FROM HER!!! I admire her greatly and feel privileged to have her input to consider when I am making an important decision.

When she was a teen, I lamented that she liked everybody else's Mom better (because I was too strict). I used to tell her, "I am your Mom, not your friend. We can be 'friends' when you are an adult and we are on an equal plain." Thank the Lord those words came true. Now we are really good friends and I respect her immensely, as I think she does me.